How Dare She

I just had the most horrible experience I have ever had with a doctor today. It was horrific.

I am still sick (nausea, vomiting and diarrhea) and thought that seeing as it has been five days I should probably go and make sure that everything was ok.

Whilst the doctor was asking questions it came up that I have a baby. Here's what unfolded...

Dr Horrible: How old is your baby?

Me: (obviously proud of the fact that I am a Mumma) He's 9 months old

Dr Horrible: Well, where is he?

Me: At daycare. Actually today is his first day!

Dr Horrible: At daycare!?

Me: Yep

Dr Horrible: Does he go there all day.

Me: Some days he will be.

Dr Horrible: In a daycare centre, all day?!

Me: Uh-huh, some days.

Dr Horrible: Don't you know that they rarely ever hold babies in daycare centres?

Me: Ummm

Dr Horrible: Babies need to be held. He is not going to feel loved. You baby needs to feel loved.

Me: (holding back the tears) Well, you see I have a job. I need to work. To pay bills and stuff.

Dr Horrible: And your baby needs to feel loved. He needs to be at home. With you.

I managed to hold back the tears until I got to reception, but then I started bawling to the girls and the front desk. They were really nice and sympathetic, but didn't seem overly surprised. I guess I'm not the first person that has felt judged by her.

I was (and still am) really upset when I got out to the car. I called the Big Man and ended up crying so hard that I threw up in the car.

I just feel so angry and so guilty. Angry that she felt the need to judge me, but guilty because part of me thinks that maybe she is right. I should be at home with Max giving him all the love and attention that he deserves.

Brain Dump

I really don't have it in me to construct a sentences and paragraphs today, so a bullet point brain dump is what you're getting. Sorry.

• The Big Man started a new job on Monday, so I've taken the week off work to look after Max and arrange some childcare for him. The Big Man has been working from home since Max was 10 weeks old and I went back to work. It's a big deal for me, putting him into childcare... But Max and I spent an hour together at the centre on Tuesday and it does seem really awesome. I'm sure he will love it.

• Ever since Max was born I was adamant that Max would go to family daycare when the time came. It wasn't until I actually had to go and find somewhere for him to go that I changed my mind and decided on a childcare centre. It might seem like tough love, but I kind of like the idea that he will have to become a bit more independent and stand up for himself a bit more in a group environment. Mean Mummy?

• The Big Man has been working really long hours for his new job. He's at work again this morning (Saturday) and has already done 60 hours this week. He's going to need to let his boss know that it can't stay like that, we have a baby and a life outside work. He needs balance. His role is a management position, but I still think that they are asking too much of him. A happy and balanced life will allow him to be so much more focused when he is at work anyway...

• This week has been really rough for me. I started out with a cold on Monday morning, but was all better by Tuesday. Then Wednesday night I started to feel really nauseous and off colour. I have spent the last two days (Thursday and Friday) with an upset stomach, vomiting, constant nausea, and no appetite. Nasty. I thought I was feeling better this morning, but as I got up and started playing with Max it hit me again. Max is napping now and I am in bed with my laptop and bucket :(

• Last night I was feeling my worst, but still cooked the Big Man dinner, did his laundry, cleaned the house, vacuumed the floors and moped the bathrooms because I know how hard he has been working and didn't want him to come home to mess and no dinner. Does anyone else get the cleaning bug real bad whenever they get sick? I think it is maybe my subconscious telling me that my surroundings could be making me sick and I need to scrub all the germs away...

• I am so grateful to my truly awesome friend Emma who took Max for two and a half hours yesterday so that I could have a sleep. I owe her big time!

• The cost of childcare is absolutely staggering. At this point I am struggling to work out how we can get ahead whilst paying those kind of fees... Hopefully I get a promotion and start earning some decent money in the very near future.

• I am really missing my sister, my bff Erin and my Hervey Bay girlfriends at the moment. I would love to be closer to them all and be able to catch up with them on a weekly basis.

• I haven't been taking photos lately. In fact I can't remember when the last time I picked up the camera was. You will just have to trust me when I say that Max is still incredibly gorgeous :)

• I have still been reading all of my favourite blogs, but I haven't been commenting much lately. I still love you all and will get around to commenting soon xx
  

Ok, brain dump over for now. I am going to try and get some sleep before Max wakes up again.