How Dare She

I just had the most horrible experience I have ever had with a doctor today. It was horrific.

I am still sick (nausea, vomiting and diarrhea) and thought that seeing as it has been five days I should probably go and make sure that everything was ok.

Whilst the doctor was asking questions it came up that I have a baby. Here's what unfolded...

Dr Horrible: How old is your baby?

Me: (obviously proud of the fact that I am a Mumma) He's 9 months old

Dr Horrible: Well, where is he?

Me: At daycare. Actually today is his first day!

Dr Horrible: At daycare!?

Me: Yep

Dr Horrible: Does he go there all day.

Me: Some days he will be.

Dr Horrible: In a daycare centre, all day?!

Me: Uh-huh, some days.

Dr Horrible: Don't you know that they rarely ever hold babies in daycare centres?

Me: Ummm

Dr Horrible: Babies need to be held. He is not going to feel loved. You baby needs to feel loved.

Me: (holding back the tears) Well, you see I have a job. I need to work. To pay bills and stuff.

Dr Horrible: And your baby needs to feel loved. He needs to be at home. With you.

I managed to hold back the tears until I got to reception, but then I started bawling to the girls and the front desk. They were really nice and sympathetic, but didn't seem overly surprised. I guess I'm not the first person that has felt judged by her.

I was (and still am) really upset when I got out to the car. I called the Big Man and ended up crying so hard that I threw up in the car.

I just feel so angry and so guilty. Angry that she felt the need to judge me, but guilty because part of me thinks that maybe she is right. I should be at home with Max giving him all the love and attention that he deserves.



DaisyJo said...

Awww this makes me so sad. You need a good nanny/babysitter. I've worked for my assistant pastor's family for the past 3 years. It's really cozy for the kids, they get to be at home and they get all my attention. (they have 4 kids, 10, 8, 6, and a 21 month old)

It's another option.

But the main thing is, I'm sure you investigated the daycare and picked a good one. I'm sure they will care for and snuggle your munchkin. Dr horrible sounds horrible.

Lucy said...

That Dr needs to be reported.

How to make a complaint - Health & Wellbeing

Seriously, the way you have been spoken to, and on this topic, is disgusting.

I am so so sorry that someone else's opinion has made you feel so sad.

I feel really angry on your behalf.

I am no expert, and of course I get that babies need to be held. But they also need to play and sleep.

Please please do not feel guilty.

Lightening said...

I think she's probably a little out of touch with how daycare centres work. The one's I've worked in ALWAYS hold babies. Okay, maybe not quite as much as they get held at home but they still hold them, quite a lot.

And the up side is the social interaction and varied things they get to do and see during their awake times.

{{{HUGS}}} Everyone has a right to do what's best for their overall situation without being heaped with guilt.

missk8t said...

Please don't feel upset. Some people just don't understand how hard life can be. I'm sure your a lovely mum and look after your bubba as much as you can, so don't feel quilty.

That doctor sounds like a waste of time and I imagine she probably isn't a mother. *hugs* If you are doing the right thing FOR YOU then who cares what she thinks?

Cat Bensein said...

I am so sad for you, how disgusting that she should make you feel like that - Doctors are supposed to help us feel better, not crumble us with their unjustified judgement.

You are doing a great job with Max Tam, and there is no way in the world he would or could ever not feel how loved he is by you - and everyone else who knows him.

You are right - How Dare She!

jeanie said...

Oh. My. Goodness.

You can't win. I took my daughter to get an ultrasound today and had the baby with us and I felt a bit judged for not working full-time like the sonographer had to just to pay the childcare bill.

It is hard enough being a mother, without being one dealing with illness AND judgement.

Report it.

Bec @ Bad Mummy said...

What a freaking loony! I'm so sorry :( I wonder if you can complain to the AMA, how dare she!

Honey said...

You need a good nanny/babysitter too.Give she lots of love.

USA Rose said...

I just was passing by when I read your blog...don't be so hard on yourself. I have two daughters 22 and 26, I stayed home with them when they were small and went back to work full time when they were 7 and 12 (i worked part time prior) My experience is they need you more as adolescents/teens than when babies and your beautiful gorgeous wee one looks blissfully happy to me. My husband's niece is a ob/gyn and is miserable with her life and judges everyone else like this doctor did, patients included in her wrath. She finally had a baby at 38 after years of trying and now he is with a nurse/nanny 60 hours a week cause the husband's country club membership and range rover costs big bucks and after all she is a doctor and must work, karma can be such a gas sometimes! You need to live your life joyfully with your hubby and baby, it seems to me your baby is blessed to have such a loving, devoted, intelligent mom and dad. Believe me life goes by way too fast and my girls adore me and my husband. We may not have tons of money, but my girls know they are our life's work and they have appreciated all our hard work and sacrifice both are college grads, hard working, compassionate, beautiful human beings...yours will be too!

twomonkeys said...

There is no happy medium. You will be judged no matter what your situation is and what choices we make for our childrens wellbeing. I have an online fabric shop and work from home yet I still get judged for my 3yr old son going to kindy room 2 days a week. He enjoys it just as much as I need the time to get things done. When he was younger, I was working 3 days a week and he went to daycare from 10 mohths old. You do what you have to do and if your happy with the centre he attends and satisfied you are doing the best you can then dont ever feel you are letting you baby down. Be proud you are a working mum:)

Anonymous said...

Hello, I found your blog through another blog. It makes me angry to read this entry - you can never do it right, but I am sure you looked very closely at the daycare center before signing your son up for it. I had to go back to work after four months in order to not loose my job, and we don't have family in the area, but we do have a mortgage ... so, both of our kids went to daycare, to a daycare center. And they were both held, a lot! The ladies who were with the infant were mostly elderly grandmotherly ladies who loved kids. There were no personnel changes, and both of my kids were with the same ladies. Both of my children loved going there, and they never cried when we brought them there in the morning. Of course, it's best to stay at home for at least a year, but let's face it, not everyone can do that. So, don't worry. Your son will get the love and attention he needs, from you and from his daycare.
Hugs, Alexandra

Naturally Carol said...

I wonder if she has kids? or a family for that matter? Seems like a rude way of disagreeing with your choices and none of her business in a professional environment. I don't think I would go back.